best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish you could order shots online.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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