When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize