It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
