We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
