HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
