Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
dude. I can hear the air.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
