got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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