You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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