Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
