Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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