In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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