Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
