And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
