What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
