his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
