i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize