Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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