it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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