You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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