yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
