Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
