Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
