Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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