every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
