whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
