Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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