Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
