ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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