I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
