I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
