I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
