The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
