i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
