Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
