He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
