Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
