Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
