Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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