dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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