I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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