I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
