Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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