If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
