I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
