I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
