His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize