Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
