He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
