i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
