time to smoke my breakfast
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
