he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize