You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
