I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
