that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
