ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
