you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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