on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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