planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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