Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
