we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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