I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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