Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
