Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
