somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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