it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize