You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize