Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
