She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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