Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize