Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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