Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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