First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
