so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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