Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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