that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
